What Your Fantasy Old Movie Boyfriend Says About You

These are 100% true, based on countless hours of exhaustive research. Also, yes, you are always allowed to have more than one.

Cary Grant:
You are an intelligent and sensible person who has been brought up correctly and has excellent taste.

Humphrey Bogart:
You probably think you can change him. Because you just know, deep down...

James Stewart:

All you really want out of life is the simple things. Nothing wrong with that.

Fred Astaire:

You are probably a dancer. Or you're just super elegant.

Paul Newman:

You have eyes.

Gregory Peck:

You really just have a fixation on father-figures. It's okay, you can admit it. Or maybe you just like cheekbones?

Marlon Brando:

You like bad boys. Because they're so sensitive. Even if they slap you around, it's just because they've got feelings, you know? And leather jackets. Because you're probably into leather, too.

Henry Fonda:

You always like good guys, even when they're kind of pricks. Maybe... it's kind of a turn-on, actually? And you feel kind of weird about it? Because everybody else likes Marlon Brando?

Tyrone Power:

You like art, architecture, nature, and any hobby where you get to look at beautiful things.

Errol Flynn:

You are maybe a Disney princess.

Gary Cooper:

You appreciate fine things and you don't particularly want conversation.

Orson Welles:

You do particularly want conversation.

Montgomery Clift:

You are a) gay and b) super tragic. Or are c) Elizabeth Taylor. Which is kind of like a) and b) but female.

Gene Kelly:

You like bodies. And people who know what to do with their bodies.

William Powell:

You are simply too sophisticated for words, so you'll just down a martini and fire off a clever bon mot.

Clark Gable:

You probably really like Gone With the Wind, don't you? Admit it.

Leslie Howard:

Oh my god you like Gone With the Wind SO MUCH.

Ronald Colman:

You think things are always more romantic when they're British.

Charles Boyer:

You think things are always more romantic when they're French.

James Mason:

You are an intelligent, educated person who, despite your best interests, always seem to be attracted to guys you think are trying to kill you. And you really like Victorian lit. At least the Brontës.

Laurence Olivier:

You also like Victorian lit, but probably prefer Jane Austen.

Rudolph Valentino:

You are really super old school and dramatic, and you probably fantasize about dying for love. Or at least dying for love in a movie.

James Dean:

You have SO! MANY! FEELINGS! Ohmigod so many.

Rock Hudson:

You... are so gay. I mean, you are the gayest. If you were any gayer, you'd be Mae West.

Joel McCrea:

So you know when a guy is really, superbly attractive and has absolutely no idea how hot he is? You like that.

Fred MacMurray:

You've probably always had a crush on the boy from back home even though you didn't stick around for him, you know? But you like to reminisce, at least.

Randolph Scott:

You maybe kind of like country boys even though you feel you shouldn't because come on, seriously, but then you remember he was Cary Grant's "roommate" and you congratulate yourself on having excellent taste.

Spencer Tracy:

I guess you're... Katharine Hepburn?

John Wayne:

You are probably very old. Okay, maybe you're just conservative? Or outdoorsy? Or just really into traditional gender roles and your favorite actress is probably June Allyson? Or maybe you're just my Grandma. Hi, Grandma.

Dirk Bogarde:

You are my new best friend. Seriously. Let's do lunch.

In Memory of Ruby Dee

Why do they all have to go?

We'll miss you, Ruby Dee. You were one of the greats. I hope you're reunited with Ossie Davis in a world where everything you've fought for has borne fruit.

I want to take this moment to encourage everyone to see Purlie Victorious. I don't know how available it is, but I found it at my library, so it can't be that bad. A filmed version of Ossie Davis's play, and starring Davis, Dee, and Beah Richards (not to mention Alan Alda), it's a fascinating, hilarious exploration of stock black character types, a brilliant deconstruction of the performative natures of stereotypes like the Southern Baptist preacher and the shuffling servant. And Ruby Dee gets to exhibit her pitch perfect comic timing throughout. If it isn't enough to make you appreciate one of the most important couples of twentieth century art, I don't know what would do it.

Thank you, Ruby Dee. You've done so much for us, and we never did enough for you.

Beholder Eyes

I like aesthetics. I think it's because I'm bad at it. I don't typically like things I'm bad at; usually I find them immensely frustrating. Perhaps every once in a while I just want to do something that seems impossible? But we're not here to talk about my barely comprehensible academic motivations. We're here to talk about aesthetics.

Despite all the subjectivity, the differences in taste, the contradictory philosophies, and the difficulty in translating aesthetic concepts to different artistic mediums, there is one thing that I've become pretty sure of. It's simple, but it probably had to be (again: I do not think I am good at aesthetics). It's not terribly original, but it's what I've got, so here it is.

A work of art is not finished until it is received.

It's the audience that finishes a play. The viewer that finishes a painting. The listener who finishes music. A work of art is not finished until someone takes it in. The final collaborator. That's why theatre isn't theatre if there is no audience. It's why the same painting can mean such different things to different people. It's why we have to talk about subjective vs. objective. In math, there is no subjective, because the numbers add up whether or not anybody's there to add them. In art, though, there is. Because a work of art is an unfinished thing, waiting for someone to come along and complete it.

It's tempting to get mad at someone for not liking the things I like. But how can I? They're not me. They can only finish works of art their way, just as I can only finish them in mine. And I can't be too dismissive of what other people love that I don't, just because I couldn't finish it the way they did.

This seems more out of left field than usual for me (is there a usual yet? Can i say that?), but I felt it needed to be said. I needed to say it. So that if I disagree with myself in ten years, I can remind myself what a twit I used to be. At any rate, it's all I can do. The rest is up to you.